I'm becoming a very aggressive person. I seem to be waiting for someone to say the wrong thing so I can start throwing elbows. Don't worry I wont do it (I don't think) its just how I feel. And its not that I'm in a bad/sad state of mind, I just feel like I'm done being the nice guy. Maybe its some kind of transition for me and I'll become a douchebag, let's wait and see. I'm just tired of being Mr. Nice Guy and getting nothing in return. You know certain people are still in my prayers despite them scarring me emotionally beyond measure, lying to me, abandoning me, and I still pray that they're happy. My friend said that just shows I'm a good guy. I said it shows I'm a punk and can be played. I'm not sure which one is right, but I keep praying for that person's happiness. Does anybody pray for mine?
I'm sounding a lot more negative that I am. Aside from the above mindset, I'm doing great. I'm still at the gym and seeing great results, work is alright these days, my family is beyond amazing and the biggest blessing I have (this includes my cousins and close friends, you know who you are). I'm also back into the photography thing. Got a bunch of new equipment and am really excited to keep it going:
Listen to J.Cole - Show me Something. Great Song!
Till Next Time!
It's normal to care...you're human (score!!)
ReplyDeleteAnd I pray for your happiness, for what it's worth :)
Thank you Sabe, that truly means a lot!
ReplyDeleteThey think about you every day, i know. And they pray that you are happy because of the kind of person you are.
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ReplyDeleteHey Anonymous, I use to have that kind of faith in people. Now I don't (not to mention the newfound trust & commitment issues ever since, winning combo!). I appreciate the kind sentiment tremendously but I highly doubt its the case. I've become a skeptic, and as my newly skeptic self, if I was 'that kind of person' I'd still be around! To some I know I'm important I'm not going to act like nobody likes me, but the person in question, I can bet you I'm not even a thought, and it kinda hurts. Again no idea why I would want them to think about me its my choice to pray for them nobody asked me or forced me to. Maybe its the last part of letting go that I've yet to do who knows?
ReplyDeleteEither way, I appreciate the kind thought 'Anonymous' but I shall remain skeptical about that!
Thanks for commenting :)
Clearly who ever it is or was, wasnt worth it, so why waste your time. You may not know it but you are definitely better off without them. why let one person shatter your faith like that? Or ruin you giving the next person a real chance. Dont these people deserve better of you. As far as letting go of them, you have, you're just holding onto memories. You can pray for them, but i know they pray for you, i pray for you too. You never give yourself the credit you deserve, for once do so and forget about this person. Live life.. its too short :)
ReplyDeleteLet bygones be bygones, you live you learn.. not to be skeptical but to realize that someone up there must really like you because they saved you before you got into something that maybe a couple of years down the road would have been the biggest mistake of your life?. But today, you dont realize that, because after all we're only human. No ones perfect.
ReplyDeleteDont tell me girls dont throw themselves all over you, you LIVE at the gym, and from my understanding of it you have some next level fancy car , so you got looks + car + personality. BUDDY u got some serious game, so are you having trouble keeping track of names because so many come by so often ? i think thats the case hence u being so skeptical on commitments lol ;)
Hey Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you think! That you pray for me is much appreciated and I like that you have so much confidence that this other person prays for me too (that I shall remain skeptical about, you don't know that person!). With that being said, you're right, people do deserve better of me. Perhaps it is memories I'm holding onto yes, I do think I'm over them, it was just too good when it was good you know what I mean, so its hard to let go of certain great memories when you thought they were just precursors to more great memories!
I have full faith in the man upstairs. I know he sees what's right before I do so perhaps I was saved. It's a 50/50 shot. Again, it was great when it was (perhaps the best...so far), so you always hoped it would remain. But just because it was the best at the time doesn't mean there's better to come!
And you are too kind with the compliments! Sometimes we trip on our own shoelaces while we're on this path of life, thanks for catching me before I scraped my knee ;)
Youre right i dont know this person, but what i do know is that if they were ever good to you at some/one point, maybe they arent too bad. Im sure there must be some good in them "somewhere" and that tiny corner in them prays for your well being, im a psych major so i kind of read into these things and can predict some others. If you really do have faith, then you need to be strong enough to get up on your own feet, find yourself someone really hot (lol) and smart ! and know that more than you deserving them , they deserve you because of the kind of person you are. From where i see it you are already over this person, but you're used to holding onto the thought of "i wish we were together" whether thats good for you or not. In reality your better off living your life on your own terms.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many options out there man, you're in a really good place ! so why hold yourself back? Wish this miss xyz a good life because she wishes that about you, and then forget you know her, if someone brings her up to you, ask them why they are bringing miss xyz up ? If they are your friends/family they need to stop throwing your history back in your face, thats what we have enemies for ;) because by doing that (history being smeared across our eyes) it brings us down emotionally which affects all our surroundings. so "politely" tell these people to shut up if you will :)
I'll always look out for you, i know you're genuinely a REALLy good human being, weird that we've never met but your words speak out loud for who you really are. which is why i know that you actually dont want to have anything to do with miss xyz , but if someone brings her up, it gets to you. so once again tell these people to shut up, cuz who are they talking about? miss xyz ? who's that? funny that you forgot about her already ? ;) cheers !
I like to think I'm a good human but I'll let the man upstairs figure that one out. The only thing I have control of is trying to be the best I can be and I will continue doing so.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many options out there, we just have a tendency to revert back to the last 'memory.' In this case when I have those random lonesome moments I tend to think back to when I had somebody there, aka her (at the time).
My 'people' support me real well. This person comes up (rarely) because unfortunately we have some distant but mutual friends so although we don't cross paths, our people do, and I guess it just comes up as a result.
Now to find someone hot, smart, stable and drama free! ;)
Thank you again. Words are a very powerful tool and I appreciate the time you take using yours to look out for this fellow stranger.